im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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