I must be too annoying 4 u.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
