im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
