my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
