He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
