I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
