I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
