I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
