He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
