I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
