I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
