I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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