it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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