i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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