My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
