Do vagina's smell?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
