this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
