I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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