This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
