i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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