Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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