I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
