If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
