went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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