so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we're making bets on your personal life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
