when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A+ Viking dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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