I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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