I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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