i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
