This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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