At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
