Cold hands, warm shart.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
