Do you still have your period?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
