idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
