After last night, I could never be a politician.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
