Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
