we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
