guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
