when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
