I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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