He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
love makes seman taste better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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