So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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