this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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