so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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