he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
