just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
