My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
