you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
