duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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