I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are my feet made of real feet?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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