Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
