didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize