After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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