I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
