Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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