im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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