I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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