Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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