ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
