is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
