you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
