The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
