I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
