There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
