No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
