So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
