she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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