I wanna bring you to show and tell
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize