Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
