I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
