Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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