just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
