I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
