The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
