whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
