Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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