I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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